chronicles of singledom: que sera...sera!
Talking on the phone today to my sister, she said something to me that struck me. Struck me because it meant a lot. Struck me because just when I thought I was taking a few steps back, I'm actually leaps from where I have been, and stepping further. One step at a time. Struck me because I now know that I'm not the girl I once was, but I'm actually a WOMAN. A woman who may not know everything but knows Some things for sure.
So what did my sister tell me that was so profound. She told me this; "I'm PROUD of you, because you were OPEN to a new experience. You took a chance and did something that you would have thought you wouldn't have done, and had fun with it. You were able to go into this situation with no expectations, no guards were up, putting away old tendencies and you had FUN!
And that's exactly what I did yesterday night.
I woke up late Saturday morning, lounging with my roommate for a minute before I headed to my room. I checked my phone and low and behold I had to text messages. One from an old co-worker who was wanting to know if I wanted to go to this high end restaurant/ design show. And another from this girl I met through craigslist. Before you judge, let me make a long story short, I met her through craigslist because at the time I was searching for a roommate. She responded and she seemed like the most probable candidate at the time being that we are around the same age, and had a few other things in common. We ended up meeting and as things turned out she didn't move in for circumstances unknown. So getting a text from her I was intrigued and followed up.
(In text messaging)
" Hey girl, What are you doing tonight?
Me: " Nothing, whatsup?"
"I'm going to my friend's party and I have friend!
Me: "Where's the party and who's your friend?"
"Party's in Kaneohe and He is a good friend of mine. I told him about you and He wants you to be his date!"
So what ensued next was a chain of texts back and forth further describing this friend who she labeled, very handsome, tall, athletic, and smart, and this party which was a costume party, theme being science fiction. Intrigued by this so called friend and the party I hesitantly but surely told her that I would love to go! Crazy, huh? Knowing full well that I wasn't that interested in being someone who I didn't know "date" and dressing up in science fiction gear. So after calling my sister in hopes that maybe she would confirm how crazy I thought this was and talk me into NOT going. She told me to go.
"You need to get out and meet people and have fun Mika! And either way if it turns out whack you have good story to tell me tomorrow. And if it turns out good you have a good story to tell me tomorrow."
So I put aside my fear, reservations, and something came over me on the bus ride home to get ready for this party. EXCITEMENT!
Got ready in an hour. Just put on a cute dress and simple makeup. Hair pulled back in a pony, small kitten heels and headed out.
Ended up enjoying a car ride with craigslist acquaintance who I'll know call a friend, and her parents and hippy friend. Adorned my self with mardis gras beads before entering the party to be introduced to more free spirited individuals dressed in star wars attire and the likes. I helped my friend put on her costume (which was a cyborg, robot, fairy concoction). Got an alcoholic drink of my choice and chilled in the cool Kaneohe weather outside on the open patio. Before I knew I turned around to a bunch of people greeting a "Will Smith".
I was impressed because in his Men in Black attire he was a dead ringer for Will Smith. And he was everything my friend mentioned in the text. Quite tall, quite nice looking, nice build. Here it goes I thought. And took another sip of my Blue Hawaiian. My friend rushes toward me, excited and says" Let me introduce you". So after formal introductions were made, I asked an easy opening conversation question; "So where are you from?"
"California" , was his reply
"What brought you here"
"Basketball at HPU, then I did the whole got married had babies thing, but the marriage didn't work out, decided to go sailing, met LIz, almost died with her and the rest of the crew, and here I am now."
A lot to take in, but I took it in absorbed it for second, and asked for more. And he told me more. Over dinner we had easy conversation. All the time weighing in my head how exactly I would deal with a man with kids, and an ex wife. Being reminded of a past chronicles of singledom edition in particular where I was kind of, somewhat faced with the same thing. And he kind of, some what physically reminded me said man in that edition. Only difference is this man at this party laid his cards all out for me from the jump. And this man is in his early thirties. This man has LIVED a little longer than said other man. And I appreciated that! And told him!
My reservations about him having a past faded in the background as I was consumed by the enjoyment of an adult conversation for once with this man who has a past, has faced it and dealt with it, and knows what he WANTS out of life. He has a clear idea of this future and how to get it. And his no beating around the bush was a testament of this. I appreciated that! I also appreciated that for once I wasn't in full control. He let me lead the conversation for a while before He took the reign. I liked that!
" I think my company wants to take a walk" He said to his friends around the dinner table as he nodded his head in my direction. I read his cues and took his direction and got up and followed him. I liked that! What followed next was more conversation, that lasted most of the night. Talked about past experiences, past relationships or lack of that on my part, hobbies, music, the afro-american experience, and more. As the night winded down, he mentioned casually that there are theses things in technology called cellphones and that some people like the exchange numbers to further engage in conversation. He said that he was interested in doing this with me. I reluctantly but surely obliged.
At this time I thought I should bring up the point that "I wasn't looking for a man right now" but interested in getting to know him a little better. To which he agreed and mentioned that all that will change when I hit my thirties at which time I'll be begging for a husband and babies. I smiled and He went on to mention that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship at this time in his life as well. A fair starting point to acquaintanceship, probably friendship, and whatever should happen after that. But friendship nonetheless.
The night and party ended. We gave a friendly hug. He said that he hopes to see me again sometime. I smiled.
And here I am now. Giddiness, that once would have consumed me is no where to be found. But sureness. Sureness of what I can't quite call yet. Maybe it's more a sureness of myself. Not sure of what's to come. No expectations. Not saying or believing that this man is the one. But one thing I know for sure is that it's a learning experience! He is a learning experience. Knowing that this is only the beginning and there will be more and others to follow. Options will be kept fully open, other men will be met I'm sure. But this is a fair start!
So what did my sister tell me that was so profound. She told me this; "I'm PROUD of you, because you were OPEN to a new experience. You took a chance and did something that you would have thought you wouldn't have done, and had fun with it. You were able to go into this situation with no expectations, no guards were up, putting away old tendencies and you had FUN!
And that's exactly what I did yesterday night.
I woke up late Saturday morning, lounging with my roommate for a minute before I headed to my room. I checked my phone and low and behold I had to text messages. One from an old co-worker who was wanting to know if I wanted to go to this high end restaurant/ design show. And another from this girl I met through craigslist. Before you judge, let me make a long story short, I met her through craigslist because at the time I was searching for a roommate. She responded and she seemed like the most probable candidate at the time being that we are around the same age, and had a few other things in common. We ended up meeting and as things turned out she didn't move in for circumstances unknown. So getting a text from her I was intrigued and followed up.
(In text messaging)
" Hey girl, What are you doing tonight?
Me: " Nothing, whatsup?"
"I'm going to my friend's party and I have friend!
Me: "Where's the party and who's your friend?"
"Party's in Kaneohe and He is a good friend of mine. I told him about you and He wants you to be his date!"
So what ensued next was a chain of texts back and forth further describing this friend who she labeled, very handsome, tall, athletic, and smart, and this party which was a costume party, theme being science fiction. Intrigued by this so called friend and the party I hesitantly but surely told her that I would love to go! Crazy, huh? Knowing full well that I wasn't that interested in being someone who I didn't know "date" and dressing up in science fiction gear. So after calling my sister in hopes that maybe she would confirm how crazy I thought this was and talk me into NOT going. She told me to go.
"You need to get out and meet people and have fun Mika! And either way if it turns out whack you have good story to tell me tomorrow. And if it turns out good you have a good story to tell me tomorrow."
So I put aside my fear, reservations, and something came over me on the bus ride home to get ready for this party. EXCITEMENT!
Got ready in an hour. Just put on a cute dress and simple makeup. Hair pulled back in a pony, small kitten heels and headed out.
Ended up enjoying a car ride with craigslist acquaintance who I'll know call a friend, and her parents and hippy friend. Adorned my self with mardis gras beads before entering the party to be introduced to more free spirited individuals dressed in star wars attire and the likes. I helped my friend put on her costume (which was a cyborg, robot, fairy concoction). Got an alcoholic drink of my choice and chilled in the cool Kaneohe weather outside on the open patio. Before I knew I turned around to a bunch of people greeting a "Will Smith".
I was impressed because in his Men in Black attire he was a dead ringer for Will Smith. And he was everything my friend mentioned in the text. Quite tall, quite nice looking, nice build. Here it goes I thought. And took another sip of my Blue Hawaiian. My friend rushes toward me, excited and says" Let me introduce you". So after formal introductions were made, I asked an easy opening conversation question; "So where are you from?"
"California" , was his reply
"What brought you here"
"Basketball at HPU, then I did the whole got married had babies thing, but the marriage didn't work out, decided to go sailing, met LIz, almost died with her and the rest of the crew, and here I am now."
A lot to take in, but I took it in absorbed it for second, and asked for more. And he told me more. Over dinner we had easy conversation. All the time weighing in my head how exactly I would deal with a man with kids, and an ex wife. Being reminded of a past chronicles of singledom edition in particular where I was kind of, somewhat faced with the same thing. And he kind of, some what physically reminded me said man in that edition. Only difference is this man at this party laid his cards all out for me from the jump. And this man is in his early thirties. This man has LIVED a little longer than said other man. And I appreciated that! And told him!
My reservations about him having a past faded in the background as I was consumed by the enjoyment of an adult conversation for once with this man who has a past, has faced it and dealt with it, and knows what he WANTS out of life. He has a clear idea of this future and how to get it. And his no beating around the bush was a testament of this. I appreciated that! I also appreciated that for once I wasn't in full control. He let me lead the conversation for a while before He took the reign. I liked that!
" I think my company wants to take a walk" He said to his friends around the dinner table as he nodded his head in my direction. I read his cues and took his direction and got up and followed him. I liked that! What followed next was more conversation, that lasted most of the night. Talked about past experiences, past relationships or lack of that on my part, hobbies, music, the afro-american experience, and more. As the night winded down, he mentioned casually that there are theses things in technology called cellphones and that some people like the exchange numbers to further engage in conversation. He said that he was interested in doing this with me. I reluctantly but surely obliged.
At this time I thought I should bring up the point that "I wasn't looking for a man right now" but interested in getting to know him a little better. To which he agreed and mentioned that all that will change when I hit my thirties at which time I'll be begging for a husband and babies. I smiled and He went on to mention that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship at this time in his life as well. A fair starting point to acquaintanceship, probably friendship, and whatever should happen after that. But friendship nonetheless.
The night and party ended. We gave a friendly hug. He said that he hopes to see me again sometime. I smiled.
And here I am now. Giddiness, that once would have consumed me is no where to be found. But sureness. Sureness of what I can't quite call yet. Maybe it's more a sureness of myself. Not sure of what's to come. No expectations. Not saying or believing that this man is the one. But one thing I know for sure is that it's a learning experience! He is a learning experience. Knowing that this is only the beginning and there will be more and others to follow. Options will be kept fully open, other men will be met I'm sure. But this is a fair start!
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