...to you...
I know this is weird, writing a letter to you when you don't really exist yet, at least not in this physical world. I guess as they say in our culture, you haven't even been thought of yet. But I guess that is not really true for me, because here I am thinking of you. I think about you a lot, and I've been thinking of you for some time. Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of you, not really understanding that desire of wanting you being a child just myself at the time. But now here i am, a decade older, at a time in life where most have began or are well into there childbearing and childrearing phase of life. And I'm far from that right now but still I dream of you.
I imagine and daydream about what you would look like. How much of me you'd inherit. How big your eyes would be, how curly your hair is gonna be, what color would you skin tone be, how you'd sound, what you would smell like and feel like in my arms. The other night at work while in the nursery, a baby started to cry. It's hard for me to ignore the sounds of crying baby, so I picked him up. After a few minutes his little tears stopped and he looked at me straight in the eye, his little face upturned towards mine, examining me. New eyes that felt like they have been here before. And I thought about you. Wondering if you were there somewhere, examining me. Knowing me but also knowing that it's not your time yet. Knowing that I'm not ready for you. But you were there letting me know that you ARE there, and will be there for me someday. And when I figure this thing called life out, more specifically how to take care of myself, then you'll come. Because I'd have to master that before I can take care of you my love.
And i'm learning, day after day, I'm learning. So I know I'm getting closer to you! And when you get here I pray and hope that you'll be born to a competent woman who is more sure of herself, who she is, what she wants, what she doesn't want, and her own worth and abilities in order to give you a grounded start in your life. And you'll not only have her to help establish your own identity, abilities and dreams, but a man who is well grounded in who he is as a man, husband and father. A man who can teach more about yourself than I what I could do on my own. He will provide, protect and shelter you for all the days of his life on this earth along with me. And together we will make you great I'm sure of this!
But till then I have a ways to go, and I'm sure whoever he is he does to. And you know this, that is why God hasn't sent you yet, but I know you are there my love! So I'm writing this letter telling you that even if you arrive early before we're ready ( and who is ever really truly ready for a child?), that no matter what, you are and have always and will always be loved. I am and will be excited to meet you when you get here. For I knew you before you were even born :)
I imagine and daydream about what you would look like. How much of me you'd inherit. How big your eyes would be, how curly your hair is gonna be, what color would you skin tone be, how you'd sound, what you would smell like and feel like in my arms. The other night at work while in the nursery, a baby started to cry. It's hard for me to ignore the sounds of crying baby, so I picked him up. After a few minutes his little tears stopped and he looked at me straight in the eye, his little face upturned towards mine, examining me. New eyes that felt like they have been here before. And I thought about you. Wondering if you were there somewhere, examining me. Knowing me but also knowing that it's not your time yet. Knowing that I'm not ready for you. But you were there letting me know that you ARE there, and will be there for me someday. And when I figure this thing called life out, more specifically how to take care of myself, then you'll come. Because I'd have to master that before I can take care of you my love.
And i'm learning, day after day, I'm learning. So I know I'm getting closer to you! And when you get here I pray and hope that you'll be born to a competent woman who is more sure of herself, who she is, what she wants, what she doesn't want, and her own worth and abilities in order to give you a grounded start in your life. And you'll not only have her to help establish your own identity, abilities and dreams, but a man who is well grounded in who he is as a man, husband and father. A man who can teach more about yourself than I what I could do on my own. He will provide, protect and shelter you for all the days of his life on this earth along with me. And together we will make you great I'm sure of this!
But till then I have a ways to go, and I'm sure whoever he is he does to. And you know this, that is why God hasn't sent you yet, but I know you are there my love! So I'm writing this letter telling you that even if you arrive early before we're ready ( and who is ever really truly ready for a child?), that no matter what, you are and have always and will always be loved. I am and will be excited to meet you when you get here. For I knew you before you were even born :)
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